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2MP boat adrift on starry sea PixabayI’ve been struggling this last month. Anyone else?

There’s no one specific thing that’s contributed to this. A busy November with lots of overlapping work projects, the endless weariness of COVID inflicted parameters, damaging a tendon in my ankle which I’ve been told could take up to a year to heal properly provided I rest it enough... (meaning I can’t walk very far -which is usually my go to way of helping my overactive brain.) I feel somewhat adrift, numb, stagnant, and unable to think or work at full capacity… and I’m constantly, oh, so weary. Consequently, I’ve not stitched for weeks, and I’m beginning to feel a little stir crazy, especially with the longer nights and darker days stealing the daylight hours.

I’m not quite sure how to counteract any of these things, except rest…. and I’ve never been very good at this!

Often, throughout my life, when I’ve ignored these quiet urgent whisperings in my body to slow down, I find that something happens that means I must stop. This time, it’s the tendonitis that is slowing me down... but it’s also making me sad. It feels as if my wellbeing reserves have been all used up…and I’m struggling to motivate myself, and struggling to make decisions…

I’d quite like to hibernate for a few months and emerge in the spring, full of vitality and energy for whatever is in store next!

In the meantime, I’m hibernating as best I can…returning to the slow, quiet ways that feed my soul again, the reading of books, noticing the texture and patterns as I chop cabbage, the small pleasure of baking a cake, the unexpected rainbow in the stormy sky.... like small stars in a grey world, lighting my greyness.

2MP StarsThese sad feelings will pass, I know. I only need look at God’s past faithfulness to see that these winter feelings in my soul are natural.
I can look to spring, but more importantly, it will help if I look to God to provide for me in the now, not focusing on my own finite resources, but instead, dwelling on the infinite Morning Star in my life, recognising where and how Immanuel, God with me, illuminates the dark places of my soul. Poetry, like stitching, often helps me to express this, enabling me to look away from myself towards a faithful God...
2MP Joy vignette

Stars
Seemingly such small specks
Shining through deep darkness's-
Diamonds in the dusk and dark of days
Beauty beheld beyond the night.
Lights Inspiring wonder
illuminating infinity and proportion to my world
that despite my unimportance,
my inconsequential inhabiting of this world
and small greyness
Yahweh reaches out to me, my
Creator communicating through the cosmos
Trailblazing Good News
That God is with me,
Immanuel in me
Father for me.
Roah residing in me
Bringing consequence and illumination
To my little life through the smallest of things…
Stars in my soul…
Lifted and loved through Light;
Light of Life

 

 

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