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IMG 3285The New Year comes inexorably, whether we are ready or not...
I have relished the extended space between Christmas and New Year, but this year I’m not sure that I’m ready for embracing 2022 with any great fervour.

Indeed, last night, whilst many waited without, prepared and ready to celebrate with family and fireworks, from within I greeted it grumpily having been roused from my warm, cosy slumber.

New Year is synonimous with new resolutions, new starts, a resolve to embrace whatever the infant year brings, yet the reality for many is very different.
The truth for me this year, is that I simply don’t feel ready to return to what was before; unprepared for the work that has been left undone, the unfinished tasks that await my return, not ready to create enthusiasm for the new things I have planned. I'm not ready to leave the cosy nest of rest; not yet ready to fly again...
It's not that I want to journey a different way. I'm just not ready to return.
I haven’t yet completed my usual post-Christmas sort out and life-laundry that helps bring me clarity, focus and resolve at this time of year.
Everything still feels cluttered, unclear, clouded…            girl under duvet picture resized

In fact, I recognise I’m still weary. I’m still hesitant and apprehensive about the immediate COVID-encased future that seems to be increasingly and insidiously rooted around every encounter and excursion; every daily decision that might minimise risk.

I’m an over-thinker at the best of times, so in the worst of times, after many previous years of living in a body that has been constantly alert for the next crisis, the long term effects on my body seem simply exhausting!                  

The last two weeks of living a slower pace has made me realise how spent I feel; energy-sapped and exhausted. Perhaps the solution is to offer myself, this New Year, the gift of kindness, simply extending the space I have had, taking time out over another week or so to continue reseting my body and soul. Perhaps this is enough….to greet the New Year, not with party and excited expectation but with quiet thoughtfulness, wrapped in a cosy blanket.

"He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:30-31, NIV

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